A Very Celestial Mix-up (or, How a Celestial Ruined Christmas)

It’s been a while since I posted anything on the blog, let alone a story. This Christmas short story popped into my head this morning, and given it’s so close to Christmas, I decided to put it here for free rather than try to sell it. Enjoy!

2792 words (~15 minute read)

CONTENT WARNING: Mild body horror.

A Very Celestial Mix-up

(or, How a Celestial Ruined Christmas)

The moment I materialise on the mortal plane, I know something has gone horribly wrong. Though the clipboard-wielding woman standing before me is wearing a red dress, it isn’t as blood-red as I’d expect, and its white border is fluffy like polar bear fur. Far too hot, surely. Her sour expression is the only thing right about this situation.

We stand in a room full of lights, some of them blinking like we’re in the server room of a Tom Cruise spy thriller. But others are twinkling. Urg. It makes me want to vomit. That’s probably the worse sign of all.

“Follow me,” the woman says with no introduction. Aren’t I there to be her boss? A little respect would be nice.

I follow her across the room and out into a corridor so blindingly white I have to cover my eyes. It’s torture. We must be in the area for clients. That would make sense. All the garish ornaments strung from the ceiling and walls must be designed to remind clients of terrible childhoods and get all those buried feelings to the surface right where we need them.

But then we come to an open plan office. I pause at the end of the corridor, staring at the rows of tiny desks occupied by people in green. No, not people. Creatures. Fluffy white creatures that look like a cross between a harp seal pup and a Samoyed dog. Even their big void-like eyes can’t overcome their adorableness. I do my best not to be sick.

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Guilt – Furious Fiction October 2021

It’s that time again. The Furious Fiction results are out. I didn’t make the longlist, but I think I failed to satisfy one of the criteria. The setting was to be a court, and with the results, they said over half of the story had to take place there. The other criteria were: under 500 words, have a character who measures something, and contain the words balloon, rock, and umbrella.

Regardless, I’m really happy with my entry this month. I’ll strive to improve further next month. Please read my entry below.

CONTENT WARNING: Contains descriptions of a car crash, blood, and injury.

Guilt

My first shower today was scalding – an attempt to feel something. My second is icy, a barrage of rain soaking me through while my umbrella hangs limp beside me. The nothingness only deepens. I’m not really there as I stare through the drab grey bricks of the courthouse. I’m lost in another rainstorm, on the day that shattered my world like a rock through a window.

At twilight that day, I pressed my chin to the steering wheel, peering through driving rain. Headlights dazzled me between furious sweeps of the wipers. I should have gone slower, but I fussed over irritating everyone behind me. If I’d listened to my gut, would I have seen that one car without lights? It sped out from the junction, but I didn’t see it until the terror in her eyes had me slam on the brakes.

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The Clean-Up Guy – Furious Fiction September 2021

It’s the last Wednesday of the month, with means the September Furious Fiction contest results are out. Sadly, I didn’t make the long list, but the winning story was incredibly good and topical. My entry, The Clean-Up Guy, is below. This month’s prompt: include a basement or an attic; include some kind of insect; include the words earth, wind, fire, and water.

CONTENT WARNING: Contains gruesome imagery and swearing.

The Clean-Up Guy

Maggots. Always maggots. The job would be a damn sight better if they stopped sprouting near worksites. Leo descended into the dark basement, jaw clenching a little more with each wriggler that popped underfoot. He could’ve used spotlights, but the boss said he was better working blind. A familiar stench explained why – ruptured bowels. Great.

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