The Body Remembers

In the winter of 2009-2010, a satellite image showed the UK entirely white from snowfall. Somewhere in that image, I was sitting huddled under blankets against a radiator trying to stay warm. I can’t say my house was particularly cold, but I wasn’t eating enough, and my body simply couldn’t get warm. Now, being cold in the holiday season takes me back to a time that almost broke me.

I was living alone for the first time in my life, despite being a third-year computer science student. I’d never lived in halls because I was married, until my ex-husband disappeared in the October and cheated on me. I was miserable, unsurprisingly, but I still went to my lectures. My now husband took a few of the same modules as me, and he remembers the quiet person who always vanished straight after class.

I went to uni, I went home, and I watched romcoms eating a repetitive dinner of cod in parsley sauce, chips, and peas. Other than that, I barely ate. The weight fell off me, and I really mean that. I lost 20kg in a matter of months.

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